Instructions

• On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
  (Blast that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
  
  
• On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
  (The shoplifter special?)
  
  
• On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
  (And that would be how???....)
  
  
• On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
  (But, it's "just" a suggestion!)
  
  
• On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
  (.duh, a bit late, huh?)
  
  
• On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
  (...and you thought????...)
  
  
• On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
  (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
  
  
• On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
  (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
  
  
• On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
  (And...I'm taking this because???....)
  
  
• On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
  (Well that narrows it down a bit I guess)
  
  
• On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
  (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
  
  
• On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
  (Talk about a news flash!)
  
  
• On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
  (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
  
  
• On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
  (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
  
  
• On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
  (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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