Things to do in Church ..... espeially if you don't want to go to Heaven

Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the

address of the church next Saturday at midnight

Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD

are upon you!!!"

Ask where the nearest ashtray is.

Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel

has spoken!"

When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble:

"Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"

If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother:

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP

SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!

Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front

rows,hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher:

"Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"

Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School

class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone

being stoned, especially Stephen.

Distribute condoms.

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