Posts
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is buy a replacement.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth of the hole!
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you've just made it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Your mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
Sometimes you'll think you understand everything, then you'll regain consciousness.
A day without sunshine is like.................well, night.
Seen it all, done it all...........can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword..........get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof.............to a sufficiently talented fool.
Everybody lies........but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.
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