Posts
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
Reality: What a concept!
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
You'll notice that Bush never speaks when Cheiney is drinking water, check that shit out.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!
Ah...so many pedestrians, so little time...
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so . . . look at the platypus.
Before opening an envelope for best supporting actress] I feel like Adam when he said to Eve,
Back up, I don't know how big this gets.
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses. She's got a baseball bat and yelling, You want a piece of me?
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say Stop, or I'll say stop again.
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!
Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
Death is nature's way of saying, Your table's ready.
The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
We Americans, we're a simple people . . . but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be. You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex
all the time.
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