Worldly Ideas: Note To Self

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Note to Self:

Find the guy doing all the raindances and tell him to LAY OFF.

Quit corporate America because the paycheck just isn’t worth the drama. Go teach drama. Realize that all jobs lack merit, no matter the scale or locale. Have the epiphany that they pay you because working is an inconvenience. Get a better paying job.

Note to Self:

Make an effort to keep a pair of gloves in the glovebox, if only for sentimental reasons.

Note to Self:

Record the sound of the shutter on your Polaroid SX-70. Set it as your ringtone, as it makes you smile every time you hear it (and costs slightly less than the $1-per-click price of a actually taking a photo.)

Note to Self:

Look into this whole Stumble Upon phenomenon and the ensuing web traffic it sends your way.

Note to Self:

Brainstorm activites, speeches, practical jokes, animal costumes, etc. that may be appropriate for your last few days of work “for the man.”

Note to Self:

Convince a world-renowned photographer to shoot your wedding. Begging, pleading, bribing, and/or kidnapping are all viable means of accomplishing said goal.

Note to Self:

Replay the last 12 months of your life, chuckle at the absurdity and wonderfulness of it all, have a Coke, and go back to work smiling.

Note to Self:

Get ready for a change of metaphorical seasons.

Note to Self:

As a person of caucasian descent, whose tract is more used to food that is fast, eating Mexican food two nights in a row is a bad idea.

Note to Self:

Now that he is slightly old and definitively crazy, convince Mel Gibson to make a 4th installment of the existing Mad Max Trilogy, then use your newfound friendship with the actor/director to be cast as post-post-apocalypse-surviving extra in said film.

Note to Self:

When you provide a detailed Christmas list to your friends and family, you often get what you asked for.

Note to Self:

Battle occasional bad days by being so happy that your co-workers think Care Bears must have crapped rainbows on your head.

Note to Self:

Wear more tweed.

Note to Self:

Do not, under any extraneous circumstances or day-to-day minutia, allow the various semi-creative ideas in your head to remain there and thus, inevitably, go bad like so much over-ripe, unpicked fruit. Also, pick up bananas at the store on the way home.

Note to Self:

At the behest of a wise and wonderful wizard, lasso a beautiful unicorn and gallop over the heads of a school of helpful dolphins into the sunset. If possible, don’t forget your digital camera (because hey, who’s actually going to believe the dolphins helped you?)

Note to Self:

Make things. Don’t stop making things.

Note to Self:

Fly home so your family won’t forget what you look like. Or who you are. Or what to leave you in their respective last wills and testaments.

Note to Self:

Develop a penchant for the droll.

Note to Self:

Implement the daily siesta. Consider telling your boss why you have a hammock beside your desk.

Note to Self:

Make this website behave correctly in Internet Explorer. Silently despise anyone who still uses Internet Explorer. Become frustrated at such widespread ignorance. Become a champion for justice. Rally. Protest. Have difficulty finding the time to fix minor coding issues on this website that make it behave correctly in Internet Explorer. Get dizzy.

Note to Self:

Choreograph office dances to the entirety of the new Justin Timberlake album. Test your glass desk for max weight distribution load. Rig lights underneath the desk. Disco.

Note to Self:

Get a haircut, hippie.

Note to Self:

Discover the maximum amount of movies Netflix will send you in any given month of the 3-at-a-time plan. Stock up on popcorn.

Note to Self:

Despite your newfound Texan surroundings and the ensuing excitement thereof, consuming Tex-Mex twice in one day is still not a good idea.

Note to Self:

If less than three stories, always take the stairs. Your heart and your butt will thank you, and when was the last time the two of them were in agreement about much of anything?

Note to Self:

Relentlessly verbally mock parents who keep their children on leashes in public.

Note to Self:

Don’t mourn the death of relational second-guessing. Certainty can be a beautiful thing.

Note to Self:

Through either research or consultation of black magic, determine exactly what famed popstar Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love. Also, determine exactly what way the Backstreet Boys wanted it that way.

Note to Self:

Use some variation of the phrase “beat [someone] round the head with [something]” as much as possible.

Note to Self:

Work out your body with weights until such a time as you can pull off a Dar, The Beastmaster costume for Halloween. Prepare for women to swoon and nerdy men who love fantasy and sci-fi to go “Hell yeah, The freakin’ Beastmaster.”

Share and Enjoy!

Note to Self:

Find the guy doing all the raindances and tell him to LAY OFF.

Note to Self:

Make an effort to keep a pair of gloves in the glovebox, if only for sentimental reasons.

Note to Self:

Look into this whole Stumble Upon phenomenon and the ensuing web traffic it sends your way.

Note to Self:

Brainstorm activites, speeches, practical jokes, animal costumes, etc. that may be appropriate for your last few days of work “for the man.”

Note to Self:

Convince a world-renowned photographer to shoot your wedding. Begging, pleading, bribing, and/or kidnapping are all viable means of accomplishing said goal.

Note to Self:

Replay the last 12 months of your life, chuckle at the absurdity and wonderfulness of it all, have a Coke, and go back to work smiling.

Note to Self:

Get ready for a change of metaphorical seasons.

Note to Self:

As a person of caucasian descent, whose tract is more used to food that is fast, eating Mexican food two nights in a row is a bad idea.

Note to Self:

When you provide a detailed Christmas list to your friends and family, you often get what you asked for.

Note to Self:

Battle occasional bad days by being so happy that your co-workers think Care Bears must have crapped rainbows on your head.

Note to Self:

Wear more tweed.

Note to Self:

Make things. Don’t stop making things.

Note to Self:

Fly home so your family won’t forget what you look like. Or who you are. Or what to leave you in their respective last wills and testaments.

Note to Self:

Develop a penchant for the droll.

Note to Self:

Implement the daily siesta. Consider telling your boss why you have a hammock beside your desk.

Note to Self:

Choreograph office dances to the entirety of the new Justin Timberlake album. Test your glass desk for max weight distribution load. Rig lights underneath the desk. Disco.

Note to Self:

Get a haircut, hippie.

Note to Self:

Discover the maximum amount of movies Netflix will send you in any given month of the 3-at-a-time plan. Stock up on popcorn.

Note to Self:

Despite your newfound Texan surroundings and the ensuing excitement thereof, consuming Tex-Mex twice in one day is still not a good idea.

Note to Self:

If less than three stories, always take the stairs. Your heart and your butt will thank you, and when was the last time the two of them were in agreement about much of anything?

Note to Self:

Relentlessly verbally mock parents who keep their children on leashes in public.

Note to Self:

Don’t mourn the death of relational second-guessing. Certainty can be a beautiful thing.

Note to Self:

Through either research or consultation of black magic, determine exactly what famed popstar Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love. Also, determine exactly what way the Backstreet Boys wanted it that way.