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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. - Milton Berle
I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men. - Mae West
I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill
It isn't pollution that is harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - Dan Quayle
Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco. - Will Rogers
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
You only get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so many times. - Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback Ike Taylor
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don't. - Robert Benchley
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. - Albert Einstein
If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking. - George S. Patton
I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde
Always drink upstream from the herd. - Will Rogers
I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
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