Famous People Quotes #4

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. - Woody Allen

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier. - Bill Gates

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! - George Carlin

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House, it doesn't look very cozy. - Jennifer Lopez

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. - George W. Bush

I'll watch a Keanu Reeves movie and I'll go, 'Wow, he's really not a very good actor!' - Ashton Kutcher

Profanity is the adjective of the feeble minded. - Gordon Lane

When people say "clean as a whistle", they forget that a whistle is full of spit. - George Carlin

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

He who stops being better stops being good. - Oliver Cromwell

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy - Erica Jong

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. - Albert Einstein

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it! - Franklin Jones

Outside of the killings, Washington DC has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. - Marion Barry

A hospital bed is a parked taxi, with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

I would never die for my beliefs, because I might be wrong. - Bertrand Russell

A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. - Richard Nixon

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror. - Richard Lewis

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. - Dolly Parton

Dog is God spelled backwards. That means something, I'm just not sure what exactly, but human is numah spelled backwards. - Marc-Christophe

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms? - George Carlin

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn't drink now does. - Conan O'Brien

All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. - Ellen DeGeneres

Housework can't kill you, but why take the chance? - Phyllis Diller

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language. - Caroline Rhea

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. - Howard Aiken

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's now escalated into "You care care of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, "Don’t put off that mammogram." - Rita Rudner

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