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Australian Shepherd: Just one. While the rest herd the property for any more light bulbs or even light switches that need to be replaced.
Pit Bull: As long as I'm here, nobody can change ANYTHING. Not as long as I'm around. NO WAY.
Golden Retriever: It doesn't matter. Even if someone breaks in, I will find the flashlight for them and show off all of my toys and will play fetch nonstop. I still got lots of toys that squeak.
Rottweiler: Won't you-- MAKE ME!!!..Just try it.
Labrador: Oh me, me!!!!! Huh? Huh? Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change it! Can I? Can I? You sure you only want me to change it? Too bad these bulbs float, or else I would even change the ones from way under the pool.
German Shepherd: Roger that. First of all, I need to see if that is truly a light bulb or a bomb. Second, I should check for any intruders still left in the premises. And third, see if they are still around, so I can sink these nice set of canines in that arm and keep on swinging from it. Not really. Any arm will do.
Maltese: Let the German Shepherd do it. Cocky bastard. You can fix my hair. Yes. Of course piggy tail. What else?
Saint Bernard: Man, I still got the hangover from last night and you're worry about a stupid lamp. Look. I threw up a few times and can't even wipe my own slobber. Those bitches once they're in heat, REALLY know how to party and I got hammered.
Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring, check for any hazards, and let you know how long that light bulb will actually last.
Weiner Dog: Yeah right. You know that I can't reach that stupid bulb! Hello? Besides, those big scary dogs just love to floss their teeth with me. And with/without any light they always find me. I guess it's because I just can't shut up. Can I?
Siberian Husky: You mean just yank it out of that ceiling and take off with it for miles without even looking back?
Minature Pincher: Why? I can still bite ankles in the dark.
Jack Russell Terrier: Dude, I have cats to chase, rabbits to hunt, and make my owners catch me if you can game. Besides, I will pop it again with my constant bouncing around anyway.
Bassett Hound: Leave that thing off. I am so tired and sleepy and I love it when it's dark. Too much light hurts my eyes. Why do you think my eyes are so freaking red all the time? Noooooo. I told you a million times that I DO NOT smoke pot. Gosh!!!. I only slept fifteen hours today and you kept on bugging me. ZZZZZZzzzzzz.z.z.z..z..z..z.
Chow Chow: Nope, don't change that light bulb, don't brush me, don't bathe me, don't medicate me, and don't ever mistake me with a goofy bear.
Poodle: Oh come on. Give me a break. Who wants to mess up the hair for a stupid light bulb? What if the minute I even try to install it, it burns my fro. I mean come on. The fro is back in style and these curls don't just happen, you know. Did I tell you I just got my nails done at Poodle Nook Salon today?
Lhaso Apso: Why change it? I can still mark every corner of this house blindfolded.
Doberman: Let them break in. I always wait in that corner and never make a sound. By the time they notice me, my teeth will meet their crotch. Then we'll talk about who's really going to get neutered tonight. GRRRRRRRRR.
Beagle: Light bulb? I don't sniff any light bulbs? What's the point. I will pop it again with my long barks anyway.
Boxer: Come on dude. Listen to my name.. BOXER? Who needs to change a light bulb when I can just box and knock out the intruder. Once they grab me by the collar, then I'll show you my psycho dance, that is guaranteed to break those fingers.
Chihuahua: Yo quiero TACO BULB?
Pomeranian: Hey, I was a chow in my past life. So don't you dare make me do anything.
Bulldog: No way Jose! Last time I tried that crap, I landed flat on my nose.
Bichon Frisee: Let the bulldog or the pug do it. Cute dogs don't have to work. Besides, all they do is snore and snore alllllllllll night anyway.
Pointer: I see it. There it is. That one right? Yep I see it. There it is. Right there.. hmm.. although it is not moving. I wish they have light bulbs in the jungle. That way I could point out those squirrels even better.
Greyhound: I told you people that I only move off that couch for rabbits! Plain and simple.
Afghan Hound: Light bulb? What? Huh? I'm sorry, what is that? Back in mountains there are no light bulbs. Besides, everybody knows that I don't need a silly lightbulb to prove how gorgeous I really am.
Written by Kevin Salem - Head Instructor of Sacramento's Real-Life Dog Training.
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