Think Outside The Box

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

1. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.
2. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
3. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS....................

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:

'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.

"I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER...., The correct answer is

to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery,

have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car,

then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

God, I just love happy endings!

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I Am Really Brainy !!

Now this is one reason for being large that I can relate to !!

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Overworked Employee in India

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason I'm tired: because I'm overworked.

* The population of this country is 1 billion.

* 644 million are retired. That leaves 356 million to do the work.

* There are 195 million in school, which leaves 161 million to do the work.

* Of this there are 29 million employed by the head government, leaving 132 million to do the work.

* 16 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 116 million to do the work.

* Take from the total, the 15 million who work for the State and City Governments and that leaves 101 million to do the work.

* At any given time there are 100 million people sick or hurt and in hospitals, leaving 1 million to do the work.

* Now, there are 2 less than a million people in prisons.

* That leaves just two people to do the work.

* You and me.

* And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes

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Job Description

Well at least you know what to expect in this job !!!

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Signs And Notices

Actual signs

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE
50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED...
OPEN TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH:
IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND.
ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.....

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..

Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS...
YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT

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Nice Golf Clubs

She even plays gold with them sometimes as well !!

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More Great Truths About Life From Little Children

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.

Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.

Don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower.

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes.

Never bug a pregnant mom.

Don't ever be too full for dessert.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.

Never spit when on a roller coaster.

Never do pranks at a police station.

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do.

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.

Stay away from prunes.

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

Forget the cake, go for the icing.

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Fair Warning

Never let it be said you were not warned !!

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25 Reason Farts are Better than Cigarettes

1. You can have a fart in a restaurant.
2. Farts don't cause cancer.
3. You can never run out of farts.
4. The price of a fart won't go up.
5. There is no tax on farts.
6. Friends are always willing to share them with you.
7. Farts are available to minors.
8. You can fart underwater.
9. Farts don't leave stains on your fingers or lips.
10. Farts aren't related to bad breath.
11. You don't need an ashtray to fart.
12. Farts won't make you cough.
13. You can fart on Public Transport.
14. You can fart in bed without fear of falling asleep and burning the house down.
15. You don't need to take you hands off the steering wheel to fart.
16. No body ever tries to bludge a fart of you in the pub.
17. Farts don't have Government Health warnings on them.
18. Farts have no affect on unborn Babies.
19. Farts don't have to be lit to be enjoyed.
20. You don't need a pocket to keep your farts in.
21. There's no anti-farting laws.
22. After a fart there is no butt to dispose of.
23. You can fart while exercising.
24. You get a variety with each fart.
25. Careless farters haven't been known to start brush fires.

But there's also the reverse of this list which I could only think of one entry for:

1. Smokes are easier to light than farts!!

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Rules of Military Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.
4. The easy way is always mined.
5. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
6. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
7. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
   1. When you're ready for them.
   2. When you're not ready for them.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
9. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
10. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
11. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
12. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
13. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
14. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
15. When in doubt empty the magazine.
16. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
17. Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
18. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
19. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
20. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
21. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
22. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
23. Five second fuses only last three seconds.
24. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

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