Picture Your Success

Picture Your success, hold the imagine in your mind and it will go a long way to making it a reality

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More Words of Wisdom from the Famous

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. - Mark Twain

Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence. - Eddie Cantor

Gray hair is God's graffiti. - Bill Cosby

We must take change by the hand or rest assuredly, change will take us by the throat. - Winston Churchill

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. - Lily Tomlin

You can always count on the United States to do the right thing, once it has exhausted the alternatives. - Winston Churchill

The worst thing that can happen to you can be the best thing for you, if you don't let it get the best of you. - Will Rogers

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you have ever tried. - Ricky Gervais

When you're certain you cannot be fooled, you become easy to fool. - Edward Teller

History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. - Mark Twain

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful. - W. C. Fields



Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential foodgroups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was "Shut Up". - Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate. - George Carlin

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain

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Welfare Stories

Actual letters received by the welfare department.

I am forwarding a marriage certificate and six children. I have seven but one died, which was baptized on a half piece of paper.

I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years ago. When do I get my money?

Mrs. Jones has not had clothes for a year, and has been visited regularly by clergy.

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?

I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

This my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or do anything until he knows.

I am very annoyed to find out you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.

In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 5 children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven't had any relief since.

Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make a difference?

I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.

In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

I want money quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks, and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor.

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Under A -Tack

Things are getting serious, send in the sellotape

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American Freedom

American Freedom - as dictated by China it seems

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Creation

Creations are limited with your mind only

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Things Cats Should Remember

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open by itself.

Leaping from the very top of the condo onto the curtain rod makes my human very annoyed with me.

If I do it, I will get a time out, squirted with The Water Bottle Of Death and yelled at.

If I'm trying to hide behind the window shade so no one will see me (and I'm all clever for hiding behind the window shade, ya know) I shouldn't let my tail hang down.

I must perfect a death stare to give my human every time I am disturbed.

If I vomit on the carpet after overeating yet again I must stand up and walk away without the slightest hint of a care.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing (especially right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files").

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

Even though I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them.

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She Had To Ask

Well she had to ask didn't she

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Some Things To Ponder - Famous Quotes

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. - Milton Berle

I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

It's not the men in my life, it's the life in my men. - Mae West

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - Clarence Darrow

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - Winston Churchill

It isn't pollution that is harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - Dan Quayle

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco. - Will Rogers

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

You only get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so many times. - Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback Ike Taylor

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into two kinds of people, and those who don't. - Robert Benchley

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. - Albert Einstein

If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking. - George S. Patton

I am not young enough to know everything. - Oscar Wilde

Always drink upstream from the herd. - Will Rogers

I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. - Groucho Marx

It's time for the human race to enter the solar system. - Dan Quayle

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

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Words in the dictionary

Persistant isn't He

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Changes

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Can You Raed Tihs ?

Acorncidg to a rseeecahrr at Caimdgbre Urnvsitiey, it dosen't mteatr in what oderr the lteerts in a word are, the only iotamnprt thing is taht the first and last letetr be at the rgiht pcale. The rset can be a taotl mess and yo u can stlil raed it wuhiott pbrloem. This is bsuceae the haumn mnid does not read eevry letter by itlesf but the wrod as a wolhe.

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