Favourite Hymns

The Dentist's Hymn:..................Crown Him With Many Crowns

The Weatherman's Hymn.........There Shall Be Showers of Blessing

The Contractor's Hymn.............The Church's One Foundation

The Tailor's Hymn.....................Holy,Holy, Holy

The Golfer's Hymn....................There is A Green Hill Far Away

The Politician's Hymn...............Standing on the Promises

The Optometrist's Hymn...........Open My Eyes That I Might See

The IRS Agent's Hymn..............I Surrender All

The Gossip's Hymn..................Pass It On

The Electrician's Hymn.............Send the Light

The Shopper's Hymn................Sweet By and By

The Realtor's Hymn..................I've Got A Mansion Just Over
the Hilltop

The Pilot's Hymn.......................I'll Fly Away

The Paramedic's Hymn..............Revive Us Again

The Judge's Hymn.......................Almost Persuaded

The Psychiatrist's Hymn............Just A Little Talk With Jesus

The Architect's Hymn...................How Firm A Foundation

The Credit Card Telemarketer's Hymn....A Charge To Keep I Have

The Zookeeper's Hymn..............All Creatures of Our God & King

The Postal Worker's Hymn...............So Send I You

The Waiter's Hymn......................Fill My Cup, Lord

The Gardener's Hymn................Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming

The Lifeguard's Hymn...................Rescue the Perishing

The Criminal's Hymn....................Search Me, O God

The Baker's Hymn.............When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder

The Shoe Repairer's Hymn...............It Is Well With My Soul

The Travel Agent's Hymn................Anywhere With Jesus

The Geologist's Hymn...................Rock of Ages

The Hematologist's Hymn..........Are You Washed in the Blood?

The Menswear Clerk's Hymn..............Blest Be the Tie

The Umpire's Hymn......................I Need No Other Argument

The Librarian's Hymn...................Whispering Hope

Now, for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns for you:

45 mph......................God Will Take Care of You

55 mph......................Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah

65 mph......................Nearer My God to Thee

75 mph......................Nearer Still Nearer

85 mph......................This World Is Not My Home

95 mph......................Lord, I'm Coming Home Over

100 mph................Precious Memories

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The Best of the Worst Song Titles (Yes, these are REAL.)

1. Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
2. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
3. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
4. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
5. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
6. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
7. I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
8. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
9. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
10. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
11. I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
12. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
13. I Wanna Whip Your Cow
14. I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
15. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16. I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
17. I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
18. I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
19. I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
20. I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
21. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
22. If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
23. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
24. If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
25. If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
26. Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
27. My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
28. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
29. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
30. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
31. Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
32. Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
33. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
34. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
35. She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
36. She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
37. Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
38. They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
39. Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
40. When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
41. You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
42. You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
43. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
44. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
45. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
46. Here's a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

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